Life

Life was so much simpler, or so it seemed, back when I was young.  I was a young girl growing up in the 1970's, looking towards a future.  Things that were made up of in comic books of times past.  Microwave ovens, computers in our homes, phones in our pockets, stuff unheard of to me back then.  As I grew up and saw that technology was growing and what once was a dream of the past is in the here and now, was still unreal to me.  Unfortunately, the price of the new technology, made it virtually impossible for my family to afford, so we lived without it anyway.  It wasn't until things became more affordable, and I was out on my own that I was able to get the few things, like a microwave, or VCR.  Now these things are so outdated or just part of the norm, nobody thinks about them anymore.  I think, that technology has it way of making thing easier, and yet making things more complicated.  Technology obsoletes itself in a small matter of time.  We are in such a hurry to make the next bigger and better thing, that we haven't enough time to enjoy the new techno gadget we just got. 
I just had a discussion in class about this and it seemed that so many were for technology driven gadgets like Ipod and Iphones, and PS3's, and things of that nature.  I say give me a computer, and I have the world in my hand.

Friends

I think that I have figured it out.  The reason why I do not have friends that is.  I am not a "yes" person.  I do not agree with people just to agree.  If I have an opinion that differs, then I will voice it.  Who ever said that we had to think alike?  Also, I am real, not fake.  I call it like I see it.  No Bull shit.  Life is too short for that crap.  I would rather not have any friends and be true to myself than to have tons of friends and live a lie.  I am who I am, and I make no apologies for it.  I do not hurt anyone, and I never will, but I do not understand why those who do seem to have more friends than I?  Funny how that works.  All I can say is, there is not much that I regret, nor many words that I retract.  I am not perfect by any means, but I have learned from my past mistakes, and I strive to make me a better me every day.  Not that I was ever a bad me, but I was not the best me.  On my way to figuring this all out though, I realized that I did and said allot of things just to be liked, and mostly by all the wrong people.  I got rid of that old me and ultimately all of them.  Seems being a good you and being good to you can sometimes lead to being alone.  Yet I am not lonely.  One can be alone without being lonely, go figure.  As I said, I would rather not have any friends and be true to myself than to have tons of friends and live a lie.

Today February 16.

I am sitting here at the computer wondering what it is I should write.  Then it occurred to me that tomorrow is, what use to be my best friend's, birthday.  Stephanie and I had gone to the same schools back in California.  I first met here in Elementary.  I then moved.  At junior high, I ran into here again.  Weird.  It wasn't until high school that she and I got to be really good friends.  Inseparable.  Thing is we got into drugs along the way.  She more than I, but still I was right there with her.  She had an older boyfriend, who had older friends and that is who we would hang out with, until I met my boyfriend.  Still she and I were inseparable.  Then at 15 I found out that I was pregnant.  This really put an end to our partying days.  I made the decision to keep my baby, she made the decision to continue her lifestyle.  She got into heavier drugs.  Heroin was now her drug of choice.  I tried talking some sense into her, but it didn't work.  She would lie and tell me she doesn't use anymore, but I could see the track marks.  She came over one day just after shooting up.  She sat in the chair nodding off during our conversation, then once she came around asked me if she could take my 12 month old son to the store with her.  My reply to her was, "You are high, and can't even stay awake and you want to cross the highway with my son?  No way, if you want to go and get killed be my guest but you are not taking my son with you."
I rarely saw her after that, and after a while she dropped off the face of the earth.  I ran into her once when I was 18 or so.  I was at a local restaurant celebrating my birthday along with my cousin whose birthday is right after mine, when in walks these two hookers.  It was Steph!  I could not believe my eyes.  She didn't recognize me at first, but we talked briefly as she was in a hurry, then she left.  I never saw her again.  Years past and I searched for her, but I came up empty.  Fearing her dead, I finally let go about a year ago.  This past October I received a notification on my MYSPACE account that Stephanie had written to me.  WOW!  25 years have past, and here she is.  I couldn't believe it.  Curiosity got the best of me, so I went to MYSPACE right away.  She had pictures of her and everything.  It was Steph alright!  You can tell that drugs had worn at her, but she was still beautiful.  She has two sons, and is completing her degree in Accounting.  She honors Christ as saving her from the life she once lived, and continues to fight to stay sober.  I am proud of her.  I wish I could have helped her those many years ago, but I couldn't.  She didn't want to be helped.  I thought that losing our friendship would have meant something, but it didn't.  Drugs take over and you have no control over your wants and needs unless you truly put your mind to it.   I don't know when she made that decision to get sober, but I applaud her.  She must have thought enough of us and our friendship to search for me, because once she found me she told me that she loved me and that I was always one of the few special people in her life.  25 years!!  Now that's a friendship.  Oh yeah!  Happy 44th Birthday Stephanie.

People intrigue me

I wonder why people feel like they have to talk about other people.  I remember back in junior high school how the girls used to talk about one another, especially the new girl.  Then later everybody became friends and forgot that you once hated each other.  Then high school came and you think it will be more mature and different, just to find it's been more fine tuned and more malicious.  Thing is, as you grow up, it doesn't matter where you are, people are who they are no matter what.  I am 43 now, and I have found that people my age, older and some younger, sit around and gossip, they say things to deliberately hurt others, and I do not understand why.  Jealousy some would say.  Hate, maybe, but why?  For example; at work there are a few people who talk about yours truly.  I have not done nor said anything to bring this on, but none-the-less it is going on.  My boss is even part of it.  She and I have somewhat of a history.  Seems when I first arrived here in 2000, I met a man who I found attractive, and vice/versa.  We dated off and on for a year or two, and still remain friends.  Jump to 2007.  I begin working with an RN who just so happens to have a picture of the guy.  Guess what?  She was his ex fiance right before I met this guy.  Thing is, now she is my boss.  Funny how life works out.  Anyway, she does not really like me and has incorporated some of the RN's who feel the same and now it has become this club, so to speak.  Lately,she has had the hots for one of the guys that my husband and I play Texas hold 'em with, and so she tries to spend alot of time with him.  I am not quite the pro I would like to be so my husband has me sit out and learn. M ethe the person I am, I  get the guys a drink if I am up, however, in obtaining this info, she has come away with that I am the "waitress" of Texas Hold'em, and has proceeded to tell the RN's in her circle.  Thing is, this is all at work.  How I found out?  One of the RN's made a snide comment to me when asking me what I was doing for New Year's Eve.  When I told him playing Texas Hold 'em.  He said. "Don't you mean waitressing?"  I called him on it.  He said that he never said that, saying that he may have called me the "mistress" or something, but I know what I heard.  Thing is, now he is denying it altogether, and the reason why is, because it involves my boss.  These are adults people.  Adults!  I never understood why people mistreat other people.  Have they never been on the receiving end before that they can't remember how it feels?  I was the one who protected people.  Still do.  Yet I am the one who people chose to bully.  Go figure.  I have said something, but nothing gets done.  I have defended myself, but why?  I pray the day will come when someone will notice what it is that they are doing.  Until then..............I can take it.  Besides..............I been called worse than a waitress.

My Birthday

Today is my birthday.  43 years ago on February 2nd, I was born.  It took 72 of hard labor on my mother's part to bring me in this world, but eventually I came.  She is the only one that actually is happy this day every year, besides myself that is.  This is just another day to everyone else.  Doesn't anyone realize that we are all here on earth for and with a purpose?  I do not believe, that we are just randomly stuck here.  So if there is a purpose for each and every one of us, should we not celebrate the one day that comes around that we were brought here?  Maybe I am just making a big deal out of nothing, but my birthday means something to me, as does all the birthdays in my family.  Yet every year so far, my birthday goes by as just another day.  Oh well.  Happy Birthday to me!  One year older and no wiser than I was yesterday.

Rose